Does anyone else find boundaries around screen time and gaming slip as we slide into school holidays? I know we have – as a family – been spending far too much time on screens and I have found policing it to be exhausting.
Looking for a solution, I went back to basics, starting with checking current guidelines on screen time and hoping, armed with this information, we could work on a solution. Unfortunately, I think I’ve ended up more frustrated!
Government guidelines are mostly based around concerns that screen time is sedentary, leading to issues around weight gain and motor development. They class ‘screens’ as TV, e-games, digital tablets and smartphones. There’s no screen time at all for the under twos, one hour per day for 2–5-year-olds and two hours for 5–17-year-olds.
I think these guidelines – perhaps even the idea of time limits at all – are unrealistic and hard to implement. You might be able to keep your first child away from an iPad until they are 2, but good luck with the second born who wants to do everything their older sibling does! And if you have a 23-month-old who is up for 13 hours a day with no nap, is an hour of good quality kids’ television snuggled up with a parent on the couch really that bad?
These guidelines also do not consider how nuanced screen time can be. Endlessly scrolling through reels that barely hold your attention for 5 seconds let alone 30? Being trapped in a SnapStreak on Snapchat for hours and scared to leave and let down your friends? Having a full-scale meltdown because you lost a game that has been designed to have you lose so you will pay to buy whatever coin or magic goblet will unlock the next level…yeah, these are awful.
A Mario Kart tournament as a family? Your kid and his friend side-by-side on their laptops, chatting away as they work together in Fortnite to defeat a common enemy? Sitting down with your teen as they show you the highly-anticipated new video from their favourite YouTuber? Being proud of themselves when they crack a code or defeat a boss – something for which there may be no real-world equivalent – these aren’t bad things!
What I find particularly frustrating navigating these murky waters, is there is no backup from the government here. Nothing stops these app developers from using sophisticated neuroscience and psychology to deliberately design a product to be addictive. No advertising regulation – vaping is actively promoted across social media; gambling ads are so ubiquitous I’m hoping it has reached the point where they are ineffective! Sure, it’s provided opportunities (so many opportunities) for educational conversations, but I’d rather not have to stop cooking dinner to explain the coded messaging behind a tequila ad – can it just not exist please?
Why can’t my teen – using an app they are allowed to use from 13 – browse for funny clips and memes without also seeing some buff guy promoting replacing meals with a puff on a vape, or some pseudo-science about vaccines? Why – in 2023 – we are still having ‘proposals’ and ‘debates’ about fining these companies for helping to spread fake news?
I find the other frustrating variable with screen use is the lack of community or cohort standardisation in regards to boundaries. There are six-year-olds with a phone and a TikTok account, and who hasn’t been begged to install some app because ‘everyone else’ has it? I think I might be the only person in history who has read the terms and conditions and privacy policy for Snapchat before giving in to that request – but one I wouldn’t have had to do if, as parents, we were all on the same page. I’ve run around the house trying to find the tablet buzzing with a Kid’s Messenger call at 5.30am, and wondered which of my kid’s friends is still up sending a text at midnight (to their device out in our communal lounge room while my kid sleeps!). I have had videos of my child pop up on their friend’s public YouTube channel – taken at my house and wearing their school uniform. I then have to go and be one of those mums and ask them to remove it because that is past my boundary. My boundaries aren’t perfect or even consistent some weeks, but that wide spectrum of what is and isn’t tolerated between families certainly adds to the exasperation.
Now, I don’t normally like to write about a topic unless I’ve magically found a solution, but that is not going to be the case here. This is more an article in solidarity with other parents I know will be having these discussions over the holidays, and to hopefully explore some of the reasons I think it is such rocky ground to walk. I do have some resources to direct you to if you would like more information (ironically, you’re going to need to jump on a device to access some of them):
• Parental As Anything Podcast with Maggie Dent – Season 3, Episode 2 – Kids and online gaming
• Savvy Psychologist Podcast – Episode 169 – Screen Time for Kids: 3 Questions You Should be Asking
• www.aifs.gov.au – Australian Institute of Family Studies
• The Tech Diet for Your Child and Teen by Brad Marshall the Unplugged Psychologist
