Once a person has reached adulthood, it is probable they have either experienced some form of bullying or participated in bullying behaviours themselves. Bullying is the intentional use of detrimental words or actions against a person, causing them emotional or physical harm. The need to bully another usually comes from either the bully feeling powerless themselves, or to gain more power.
Bullying behaviour usually includes:
• Excluding a person from the group (online or offline)
• Being verbally unpleasant towards someone (online or offline)
• Negatively ‘teasing’ someone as a ‘joke’
• Spreading rumours or lies about someone
• Intentionally physically hurting or threatening harm to someone
• Inappropriately taking advantage of someone as a person in authority.
The results of bullying are always the same: severe distress and pain for the person being bullied.
Types of bullying:
Face-to-face bullying: Demeaning a person for real or made-up misdemeanours, being verbally aggressive without any provocation, or ignoring someone for an extended period of time. Physical bullying can be mild or severe, from a slight shove to punching or kicking.
Covert bullying: This includes excluding people from groups or spreading lies or rumours, and because it is less obvious, it is often overlooked by others.
Cyberbullying: Occurs using media such as text messages, email and social networking sites. It is similar to offline bullying, but it can also be anonymous, it can reach a wide audience, and sent or uploaded material can be difficult to remove. Most people who cyberbully also bully off-line. (Source: National Safe Schools Framework )
What to do if bullying is affecting you?
Talk to someone about it as a matter of urgency. The nature of bullying is that the bully does not generally want to be found out. There is a tacit agreement between the bully and the victim, that this status quo will remain. The only way to put an end to bullying behaviour is to call it out and stand up to the bully. There are a few ways to do this:
In the workplace: Make detailed notes of words said and any physical behaviours. If you cannot address this directly with the bullying person, take this evidence to your line manager or the HR department. Get corroboration from others if possible.
In the family: This is one of the toughest scenarios, as you must work out what you need to say to them and find courage to do it. As with all boundaries, it is best to think it through, write it down and practice what you want to say. Then pick your moment to say your piece (see February 2021 column on boundaries). Ensure you have someone supporting you for the aftermath so you can stay strong.
In the schoolyard: Others, such as a trusted teacher or school chaplain needs to be aware of any bullying occurring so that it can be addressed. Others MUST be informed so that the bully is made aware their behaviour is not acceptable. The schoolyard is where cyberbullying comes into its own.
The consequences of NOT acting when being bullied, is that the bullying continues, causing increasing (and sometimes catastrophic) distress to the victim. If you know someone who is suffering bullying in any form, please encourage them to get support, and report and tackle the bully, as this is the only way to extinguish the behaviour. If you find yourself doing the bullying, please seek professional help to learn more about yourself and your feelings, and to help you stop this destructive cycle.
